House of Secrets (The Secret is, It's Not Very Scary)

It's time once again for a Comics Code Authority-approved horror comic which means not really horror, but as much as we can get away with without being accused of seducing the innocents. From July 1974, it's DC Comics' "The House of Secrets" #121.

Like any good comic, this cover never actually happens within its pages. Also, the price is an example of the most egregious ploy comic book publishers would utlize: pasting a "still only 20c" badge on a comic that cost 15 cents the month before.

If it weren't for the shadow on the wall, I'd think this guy was fighting his own hand. I swear there was a comedian who did that gag, but can't for the life of me find it now.

The obligatory "Learn Karate" ad.

First up is a story called "Child's Play" and it's told from two perspectives: from an old man and from two young children.  Their stories of the events vary wildly.  Somebody's lying. I wonder who it is.  It all starts on Halloween with Ellen and Billy Shaw Trick or Treating at Old Man Davis' house.  It begins innocently enough...or does it?  Incidentally, all stories are told by a host character similar to EC Comics' "The Crypt-Keeper" called "Abel".  His brother "Cain" (not to be confused with the Biblical brothers) hosted the "House of Mystery" comic series.

"We can put DC Comics right into your mail box."  But not before putting a nice big crease right down the center eliminating any future value of the comic.

Dad seems unnaturally upset at the site of a gingerbread man.  Even if he thought it looked like Mr. Davis, should he really panic like that?  He must have had more than a little suspicion about his children than he was letting on.

"Abel's Fables" by Sergio Aragones who is best remembered for drawing those little cartoons in the margins of "Mad" magazine.. His last name is pronounced Ehr-eh-guh-nis.  If you'd have asked me as a child I would have said "A-rog-o-ness".

"Corpus Delicti" has a Twilight Zone-esque twist ending.

Can we really blame the guy for killing his wife? Serving him oatmeal instead of chili?  We have limits, ladies.

Our final story is a "turn-the-tables" tale combining the early '70's Women's Lib movement and Vampires in which a woman shows she can be a vampire too. Wait, did I just give the ending away?  Well, the title kind of does already. I am woman, see me bite.

I can't tell if that woman is saying "Eeeeeiii!" or "Eeeeew!!" because they're bringing garlic.

In case that Karate thing didn't work out, you could just bulk yourself up and punch those bullies.  Sometimes the simplest answer is the most obvious one.

Given the year of publication of this comic, I'm sure the name of this airplane kite is in no way coincidental with the movie of the same name, though I really don't see a connection.