When I came across this action figure at a garage sale, my first thought was, "There was a Love Boat action figure series?" Yes, there was.
The smiling face of mini Captain Stubing got me thinking about the lamest action figures created. In no particular order, and my opinion only of course, the top 10 lamest action figures ever produced.
1. The Waltons (Mego 1975)
Look, I have a soft spot in my heart for the Waltons. I grew up watching them and I still catch the show now and then. But action figures they are not. Who wants to recreate depression era life? And where's the rest of the clan? We're missing at least 4 siblings. Without an "Elizabeth", how can you recreate the most horrifying Walton's episode ever?
Again with the depression era figures. I loved "The Little Rascals" (sorry, "Our Gang") when I was a kid. But their antics were enough on film. Do I really need to recreate the episode where the kids paint their faces with dots to simulate measles in order to get out of school (warning: racial discomfort moment when Buckwheat uses white paint).
I never watched "Family". It was one of those "serious" shows. I'm guessing the Buddy/Kristy doll (stressing doll here) was aimed at the Barbie set more than the Batman set.
And now we reach the parent line of the figure that inspired this post. I like that all of the male figures are the same body (with Issac being the only one with a different paint scheme). Mego just had to make different heads and slap them on the same body mold. And they saved on paint by coloring Julie's and Vickie's hair the same mud brown color (I was thinking of another descriptor for brown, but this is a family blog). I'm not sure how Mego figured this would make a great children's line of action figures. Sure, I watched the show as a kid, but having seen a few episodes as an adult, I can't believe my mom let me. That ship was Sodom and Gomorrah on the sea! And not only were the guests bedding each other, so were the crew!
Okay, so you might ask, why pick on poor Zira? Sure, "The Planet of the Apes" made for an excellent action figure set. And I loved the movies as a kid. But there's a story here. One Christmas in the early 70's, my brother bought me a Zira action figure. I had no other Planet of the Apes figures. In fact, I had no other action figures period at that point other than G.I. Joe whose scale (not to mention species) didn't match. So all I had to play with was a chimp with boobs. Merry freakin' Christmas!
6. Sonny & Cher (Mego 1970)
They look more like Gomez and Morticia.
Love did not keep them together.
Courtesy Ric Yin Pinterest
I know, technically not an action figure. But close enough and besides, kids and parents alike loved the blue humor of Redd Foxx, you big dummy! There was something particularly unfun about those flat stuffed figures.
Nothing kids love more than the wheeling-dealing, back-stabbing world of oil and family politics.
10. Grandma Walton (Mego 1975)
I know. The Waltons were already on this list. But I think Grandma deserves a place of her own. You old fool.
Okay, now your turn. Any omissions? Any outrage over inclusions? Anyone that couldn't care less?