Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Garage Sales -- Exciting and New

When I came across this action figure at a garage sale, my first thought was, "There was a Love Boat action figure series?"  Yes, there was.  



The smiling face of mini Captain Stubing got me thinking about the lamest action figures created. In no particular order, and my opinion only of course, the top 10 lamest action figures ever produced.

1.  The Waltons (Mego 1975)

Courtesy trev2005
Look, I have a soft spot in my heart for the Waltons.  I grew up watching them and I still catch the show now and then.  But action figures they are not.  Who wants to recreate depression era life?  And where's the rest of the clan?  We're missing at least 4 siblings.  Without an "Elizabeth", how can you recreate the most horrifying Walton's episode ever?

2.  Our Gang (Mego 1975)

Courtesy Mego Museum
Again with the depression era figures.  I loved "The Little Rascals" (sorry, "Our Gang") when I was a kid.  But their antics were enough on film.  Do I really need to recreate the episode where the kids paint their faces with dots to simulate measles in order to get out of school (warning: racial discomfort moment when Buckwheat uses white paint).

3.  Buddy/Kristy McNichol (Family) (Mego 1978)


I never watched "Family".  It was one of those "serious" shows.  I'm guessing the Buddy/Kristy doll (stressing doll here) was aimed at the Barbie set more than the Batman set.

4.  The Love Boat (Mego 1981)
Courtesy Mego Museum

And now we reach the parent line of the figure that inspired this post.  I like that all of the male figures are the same body (with Issac being the only one with a different paint scheme).  Mego just had to make different heads and slap them on the same body mold. And they saved on paint by coloring Julie's and Vickie's hair the same mud brown color (I was thinking of another descriptor for brown, but this is a family blog).  I'm not sure how Mego figured this would make a great children's line of action figures.  Sure, I watched the show as a kid, but having seen a few episodes as an adult, I can't believe my mom let me.  That ship was Sodom and Gomorrah on the sea!  And not only were the guests bedding each other, so were the crew!

5.  Zira (Planet of the Apes, Mego 1973)
Courtesy AstroZombies

Okay, so you might ask, why pick on poor Zira?  Sure, "The Planet of the Apes" made for an excellent action figure set.  And I loved the movies as a kid.  But there's a story here.  One Christmas in the early 70's, my brother bought me a Zira action figure.  I had no other Planet of the Apes figures.  In fact, I had no other action figures period at that point other than G.I. Joe whose scale (not to mention species) didn't match. So all I had to play with was a chimp with boobs.  Merry freakin' Christmas!

6.  Sonny & Cher (Mego 1970)
Courtesy Mego Museum

They look more like Gomez and Morticia.

7.  Captain & Tenille (Mego 1977)
Love did not keep them together.

8.  Redd Foxx (Shindana 1976)
I know, technically not an action figure.  But close enough and besides, kids and parents alike loved the blue humor of Redd Foxx, you big dummy!  There was something particularly unfun about those flat stuffed figures.

9.  Dallas (Mego 1981)
Courtesy Mego Museum
Nothing kids love more than the wheeling-dealing, back-stabbing world of oil and family politics.

10. Grandma Walton (Mego 1975)
Courtesy Mego Museum

I know.  The Waltons were already on this list.  But I think Grandma deserves a place of her own. You old fool.

Okay, now your turn.  Any omissions?  Any outrage over inclusions? Anyone that couldn't care less?

7 comments:

FrankO said...

oh how i wish i had some of these now. kristy mcnichols? the captain & tenille? cap'n stubing? gopher?? ISAAC? SONNY & CHER? *swoon*

bonus points for the laughable christmas story. i can't believe i've never heard that one before!

Caffeinated Joe said...

Kind of cheesy fun here with some of them. But who thought a stuffed Redd Foxx doll was a good idea???

Tom said...

>bonus points for the laughable christmas story. i can't believe i've never heard that one
>before!
I keep traumas like that knotted up deep inside. This blog really is therapy.

2w2n said...

Love it! I want that Kristy McNichol doll! I had/have such a crush on her.

What about Gay Bob from 1978 (totally not a joke)?

Tom said...

I discovered Bob during my research, but since he wasn't really aimed at kids, I gave him a pass.

Erick said...

You're list is a little Mego heavy isn't it? lol And I don't think you can include Dallas since they were only prototypes and never released to the public. :)

Tom said...

>You're list is a little Mego heavy isn't it?
Yeah, and don't get me wrong, I love Mego. It's probably because they were the only game in town for licensed figures for a quite a while.
>I don't think you can include Dallas since they were only prototypes
Well, you got me there, but I couldn't resist including them. I mean, what were they thinking? Next they would have been releasing "Dynasty" figures!

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