What was on TV January 3rd through 9th, 1981

We once again leap 10 years forward from our last TV Guide issue to the glorious golden age of television of my childhood.  Yes, I'm talking about the 1980's.  1981 to be exact.  Let's proceed.

Man, David Lachenbruch is sick and tired of your video game questions... "You haven't been paying attention. I'll say it again." Lighten up, David.

I've never been a smoker or a woman for that matter, but I have to admit, the Virginia Slims "You've come a long way, baby" campaign was pretty clever.

Every once in a while we would receive the 3 free sample cards for educational series like these Safari Cards. There were Presidents, plants, insects, recipes. We never sent away for the full set, but we had a fine collection of 3 of each series.

Sorry, SMM Mail Order Marketing, quilted booties do not equal Instant Heat!

Read anything without glasses!  Even gibberish like "Laeyo aoiou dxpo!"

Arthur the Kid looks like the unholy spawn of John Denver and Cousin Oliver.

Wait a minute!  How ticked was Westport Home Products when they found SMM Mail Order had beaten them to the punch, even if they were a full cent cheaper!  Their only hope was the casual TV Guide page flipper with cold feet who might turn to their ad first.

I'm no scientist, but blasting your frozen windshield glass with hot air sounds like a really bad idea.

They're muppets, PBS.  You of all networks should know better.

It looks like John Wilson has paid Karen Foss quite the compliment, possibly on her fabulous '80's hair. Clearly, Michel Brown agrees.

I recognized the actress playing Gilly Hopkins above as Tricia Cast from the little-known Jason Bateman 80's sitcom "It's Your Move".

Something tells me that the clear polyethylene will turn that car into a sweatbox.

Seeing this ad for "Oh, God!" reminded me that Terri Garr was pretty much your go-to actress for the "frustrated wife of a man-child" role in the '80's.

It'll take a strong friendship to survive a "Hey, you look a little chunky, let's both join this gym" talk.

Are these two doing a weight loss ad or trying to revive the popular '60's dance "The Frankenstein Squat"? Somewhere in the fine print of Second Skin, the Space Age Slenderizer, there has to be a caveat that you need to not drink any water to keep the weight off.

Janis' news career at channel 5 was short-lived once the rival channels began running their "Don't Just Settle for the News" campaign.

"Hot Bodies for Sale?"  Have you seen Perkins?  Would you want any of his organs?

That M-16 means that the maid has had enough of Morgan Fairchild's shenanigans.

The poster of John Lennon looks like the unholy spawn of Cousin Oliver and Arthur the Kid.

So Susan Anton was programmed to be a runner? That is one oddly specific cult.

"Magnum's Nest" was Tom Selleck's pet name for his chest hair.

I don't recall the Diana Canova vehicle "I'm a Big Girl Now", but I'm wondering if that was a play on her height.

"Y'all Buckle Up For Excitement!"  Damn straight.  Bazookas and the Hulk and moonshine, compound bows and Boss Hogg.  Man, I wish I could relive a Friday night in 1981. I do have to note, though, the soldier in the Incredible Hulk ad is less concerned with the Hulk and more concerned with aiming his bazooka at Catherine Bach's head.

12 Across: "The _____ Ape".  Sooot.  15 Across: Brown or Taylor.  Sootn.  18 Across:  Algonquian Indian Tribe. Soot.  No, Sarah McGuire, you can't just fill in random letters to complete the crossword puzzle.  Or maybe Sarah's husband was just sick and tired of her working those puzzles and pulled a total jerk move.

What?  "Enos" isn't the subtle, intelligent comedy Robert MacKenzie expected???

I know a cigarette always lifts my spirits when I realize I've failed as a big sea fisherman.