Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Do Mutant Chickens Dream of Electric Skillets?

It's titled "Almost All About Chicken" for a reason.  What they don't tell you, you don't wanna know.

This booklet from 1960 comes to us from the folks at Foster Farms in Northern California who alert fellow Californian's that the chicken they have been eating to date are far from fresh, having shipped from the east coast.  Why suffer that tough old Yankee bird when you could be eating our own Golden State Fryers?

Lots of stereotypes in this picture -- the Crazy Napoleon, the stingy Scottish, the thuggish caveman, the noble Roman. Napoleon actually wasn't crazy, despite what Bugs Bunny cartoons have taught us.  It was a rumor spread by British political cartoonists to minimalize and degrade him in the mid-1850's during his invasion of Egypt.  On the other hand, Scotts really arrrrrrre stingy bastards.  KIDDING!

I like the story about Sir Francis Bacon dying due to his attempt to flash freeze chickens.  If only he'd wrapped them in his namesake instead, he would have invented Chicken Croquette and still be alive today.  Well, maybe not the last part.

Why does this chicken have a belly button?  What kind of mutant, cross-bred creatures is Foster Farms growing?!  And when will they violently overthrow mankind?  I, for one, welcome our feathered overlords.

The horror of that live chicken sealed in a can is disturbing.  In a vacuum-packed tin can, no one can hear your screams. And who did that last chicken pay off to live the high life?

Before you judge the chickens pictured above for selling out their own kind by working in the chicken processing industry, ask yourself this: wouldn't you do the same in their situation?  THEY HAVE FAMILIES!

You can fry it, deep fat fry it, simmer it, roast it, broil it, rotisserie it, barbeque it...  Man, this is like the Bubba Blue list of chicken cooking options.

Surf, my chicken friend, surf.  Your joy will be short-lived.  They've already wing-tagged you.


  1. That is a very thorough booklet. Did Foster Farms give them out with chickens that were bought at their farms?

    1. I'm not sure. I suspect it was handed out at grocery stores to establish brand loyalty.

  2. That's more horrifying than Stephen King's last several novels. I'm going to have nightmares of that chicken inside the can. In cans, no one can hear you scream.


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