What was on TV October 13th through 19th, 1979

After a bit of dry spell, TV Guide returns for the week of October 13th, 1979.  For new readers (and you know who you are) who might question what old TV Guides have to do with garage sales, I came into possession of a large archive of vintage TV Guides via the local Freecycle group here in St. Louis.  Not exactly a garage sale find, but free so here we are.  Plus, they're so dang fun.  

The path started by "The $1.98 Beauty Show" and "The Cheap Show" led to watching people eat animal entrails on "Fear Factor"? Oh Chuck Barris, you have so much to answer for.

Why the rigamarole with cutting and pasting the stamps on the coupon. Just make the stamp the coupon and stop all the cutting and pasting. It's almost like Colgate was trying to make it more difficult than it needed to be...

A peculiar mix of Rocky and Oedipus Rex" does not make for an appetizing viewing experience.

Please tell me Hawkins is getting ready to lob those chickens at Harvey's insufferable, grinning mug.

"Honor Your Family's Good Name"?  What if your last name is Hitler? Or Stalin?

I would also accept "Stallion in Moonlight" as a van mural.

I can't think of "Paint Your Wagon" without thinking of "The Simpsons." 

Bart: So prepare yourself for the bloody mayhem and unholy carnage of Joshua Logan's "Paint Your Wagon"!

Homer: With blood, I bet!

The Love God?  Possibly the worst of Don Knott's solo offerings.  Could be a tie with "The Incredible Mr. Limpet".

Dear Editors of TV Guide, I never want to see a picture of Carol Burnett and Walter Matthau in bed with satisified expressions again.  P.S. I am not a crank.

Hogan's Heroes:  The Nazis are mining their own bridges and the P.O.W.s have to warn the Allies!  And Hogan needs to make time with the blonde.

All in the Family:  Conservative Archie?!  Liberal Mike?!  I'm glad they cleared that up. Who knew?!

Yep. NBC should be proud. Nothing like hookers and housewives to make a network feel good about itself.

"The Body is Cold, the Ice is Hot".  I guess that will make for a lukewarm episode of "Quincy".

"Eischied" looks like a worthy companion to Joe Don Baker's immortal "Mitchell." I only wish the MST3K crew could have tackled this one too.

"The Death of Ocean View Park" sounds like a warmed over "Scooby Doo" episode.  Considering the average rollercoaster ride is about 30 seconds long, I find it hard to believe the riders and operators would be caught unaware.

Yet another Norman Rockwellian Raleigh Cigarette ad.  The missed the angle on this one though.  Weren't cops known for pilfering apples from local grocers more than offering cigarettes?

Ah, women in sweaters.  The '80's were coming my friend.

ABC nuked Rob Reiner's "Free Country" after five episodes. I think the producing, directing and writing theatrical films thing worked out alright.

Rich warm flavor. Smooth even taste. Solid satisfaction. Resembling Mark Spitz. Wearing the beginnings of a Canadian Tuxedo.

And that concludes this week's TV Guide.  Special thanks to friend John for the humor assist once again.  Stay tuned.