Monday, October 23, 2017

Top Ten-ish Worst Vintage Halloween Costumes

I found this costume in a box lot of masks and costumes last year. I had no idea what it was supposed to be, but a little Googling revealed it to be an American Greetings "Urchin". They already owned the rights to "Holly Hobby", so I'm not sure why they felt they needed another character in this style.  But apparently, they also thought it needed to be a Halloween costume.

Given the lack of information on the internet about "Urchins", I find it hard to believe any kid would want to dress up as one.  Which lead me to thinking about other Halloween costumes kids wouldn't normally gravitate toward.  I know there's more than 10 here, but it was hard to eliminate any.

If I had to pick which one of the crew of "The Love Boat" I wanted to dress up as, Captain Stubing would be last.  That includes "Julie". And maybe still if they even threw in his daughter "Vicki".

I'm well aware of all of the Chuck Norris hype and Chuck Norris "facts".  The fact is, if you go out on Halloween night in that costume, you're getting your butt kicked.

"Father Murphy" always confused me.  It had actors from "Little House on the Prarie" (Merlin Olson, Moses Gunn) and had similar themes (orphans, plagues, etc.), but they were different characters in a different town.  It confuses me almost as much as this costume that has Father Murphy wearing a gangster's fedora and a blue wife-beater.

If you don't feel like dressing up like a gangster priest, how about a Flying Nun? With those molded teeth, she looks more apt to bite you than bless you.

Sure, we all laughed at Granny's antics on "The Beverly Hillbillies", but did you really want to be her?

Given the choice, I'm not sure which I rather not be: Kukla, Fran or Ollie.

Welcome Back, your dreams of  dressing like Mr. Kotter are not your ticket out nor to Halloween candy. But I have to admit, they nailed his 'fro.

"Moe" of the Three Stooges or an old woman wearing heavy makeup and earrings.  Your choice.

When the store ran out of "Tattoo" costumes, they would give you a "Julie" costume (man, I hope somebody gets that joke.)

If you wore this in 1978, you thought you were a "Macho Man".

If you're going to choose a character from the funny papers to dress up as, why would you pick the unfunniest character in the paper?  Sorry, Ziggy fans.

Let's see... I'm a big fan of "The Dukes of Hazzard".  Should I dress up as "Bo" or "Luke".  I know! I'll dress up as "Boss Hogg", the old, short, fat, bald guy who loses every week.

This really brings home the carnage of the Revolutionary War. Let that be a lesson to you, kids.

And finally, the least favorite costume a kid would want to wear, and trust me, this cuts me to the core: Ben Cooper's "Spider-man".

Now, I know what you're saying: "What kid wouldn't want to be Spider-man?" It wasn't that a kid didn't want to be Spider-man.  It's just that a kid wouldn't want to be THAT Spider-man.  Okay, let's just drop this "kid" stuff. I'm talking about myself.  Spider-man was my hero as a child.   I watched the cartoon, I read the comics. I knew what Spider-man looked like.  He did not look like this. Let's start with the smock.  First, there is no yellow on Spider-man's costume. Second, the webs are ALL wrong. Third...What the heck IS that on his chest?  Spider-man's emblem was a stylized spider. That thing looks like something you'd normally see hanging from a rubber band at a Halloween party. And finally, look at that mask.  It has a nose.  It has nose holes. It has a mouth. It has bulging eyes. And it has an inexplicably narrow jaw line molded into the mask. I remember going to buy this costume at the dime store when I was in First Grade. Never was I more excited and disappointed at the same time.


  1. Ha - Captain Stubbing, Kotter, Father Murphy - you nailed this. I can't imagine anyone wanting to dress up as those folks!

  2. Wow. Some of these I have never seen and never DREAMED were actual costumes! Father Murphy? Granny?? Boss Hogg??? What kids wore those? Unreal.

    1. What kids wore these? I'm guessing very few.

  3. Replies
    1. Their other choice was "Anti-flame Capable".

  4. omg, i would DEFINITELY wear Captain Stubing, Gabe Caplan, or the Village People's Leather Man costume, haha. those are so brilliant. I have a vintage Pee Wee mask, but i don't have any of the rest of the outfit, which is a bummer.

    1. second thought: if there's a Capt. Stubing, were there costumes for the other characters, so you and your friends could go as the whole crew? Julie, Isaac, Gopher, Doc... and was there a CHARRO version?

    2. As odd as it is, it appears Captain Stubing was the only Love Boat costume offering.

  5. Ok those are odd costumes and on the subject of Spidey that costume is horrible but weren't all of them bad in those days?

    1. True, but being the Spidey fan I was, this one bothered me the most. It seemed like nothing from cartoons to live action tv to toys to costumes could get him right.

  6. Zoinks! I've always found the human face masks far creepier than any ghosties or ghoulies! *shudders*


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