Lucy's a Real @#$%&!, Charlie Brown

For several years, I’ve followed Chris Sims and his Funkywatch blog which details the endless cycle of misery endured by the cast of Tom Batiuk’s “Funky Winkerbean” comic strip.  What began as a lighthearted strip featuring high school students in humorous and sometimes improbable fantasy situations devolved into a spectacle of death, misfortune and schadenfreude firmly grounded in hell on earth.  While many believe Batiuk invented this comic form, Charles Schulz mastered the art of morale-crushing criticism and shaming with Lucy Van Pelt.  Existing solely for the purpose of antagonism, Lucy’s constant berating and belittling left an indelible and incurable swath of emotional duress, angst and disempowerment.

Let’s take a look at the atmosphere of menace and hostility imposed by Lucy and its effects on the well-being of her family and “friends” through the pages of these coloring books from the 1970's I recently purchased. And I swear I didn't modify the captions on any of these.

Lucy begins her devious mission.  Who will she choose to pick on?

Linus throws up his arms in complete disbelief.  He hasn't touched the pink crayon.  He hasn't seen it all day.  In fact, he hates pink.

Blame the victim, the abuser's classic tactic.

Linus reaches out to a higher power for help.

It doesn't work.  God has forsaken Linus.

Completely random and out of context, Lucy ruins the Magic of Christmas for Linus.  Serious evil at work.  And remember, this is a coloring book for kids.  In real life, how many children's dreams were dashed when they read this caption?

Violence implied, if not guaranteed.

I wonder why.

So am I, Linus.

Linus Freaks Out

Yeah, turtle.  That's it.

Lucy is completely oblivious to the harm she inflicts.  She swiftly releases her litany of rage and emotional abuse on everyone's favorite punching bag, Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown fights back, in his usual Wishy-Washy manner.

The mere existence of Lucy causes spiritual conflict and doubt within Charlie Brown.

The fear is worse than the actuality.

Finally, emotionally and mentally pushed beyond the boundaries of any man's tolerance, Linus assures Charlie Brown he has taken care of the matter.  This will all end.

Is it any wonder a psychiatrist is needed in the Peanuts world?  Maybe Lucy's not a jerk, maybe she's just drumming up a clientele.